My definition of unlearning would be a process of consciously un-subscribing or moving away from a certain way of forming perceptions/understanding which in turn results to a change in one’s point of view and ultimately change in behaviour. Usually caused by knowing better about something you once did not know,or was unknowingly oblivious of. The change in behavior results from a shift in one’s mindset as it informs what the best way is,to go about things.
Unlearning is an intentional process, meaning you have to have the personal drive to want to change,move away from your usual way to a different, but better way of doing things. Unless you are deeply feeling the need to unlearn something you’ve accustomed yourself to doing,the process is going to feel like a burden,as opposed to an opportunity to evolve into a better person,an opportunity to outgrow unhealthy and destructive ways of doing things.
Unlearning requires one to surround themselves with like minded people,as it makes the transition easy,compared to an opposing environment. Not to say it can not happen,it’s just a little bit easier. It all starts by acknowledging that acting in a certain type of way causes certain types of feelings to me or those around me. For example, let’s say my view of life is a battle field and everything is against me. Unlearning this view of life to a beautiful journey into the unknown, will allow me to be more appreciative of the wins i make in life, no matter how small,thus start living life positively,making everyday count because tomorrow isn’t promised,but somehow i remain hopeful of better days.
Before i learnt about the science of attachment,i used to think of attachment as a weak ass thing self insufficient people do. So i did not feel, or better yet see,the need to get attached to the people in my life in whatever way. This resulted to me forming perceptions that re-enforced my shity view on attachment, which i portrayed by taking up a number of distancing behaviors like, being unavailable( especially emotionally),being too dismissive of people around me,making excuses to bonding time with friends,not talking about my fears and life experiences,making mountains from anthills when someone did me the slightest wrong,the list goes on and on.
It wasn’t until i unlearnt the meaning of attachment, from something self insufficient people do,to something for me to form and build secure bases i can fall back to,was a game changer to the way i attach myself to the people present in my life today. This is just but one of the things i had to unlearn,good thing it happened when i still had time and the people around me(at the time )were not tired of my snobby self.
You can not change something you are unaware of. It starts by identifying,then accepting it as an item that needs to be changed. My view on attachment was just but a few of the things i’ve had to unlearn over time,still unlearning by the way.
It takes willingness to put in the work, betting on yourself believing the odds are on your side. Hoping where you end up is a place you feel better about your existence,and everyday presents a blank canvas for you to paint a new self,one of your own artistry,creatively you.

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