Issues about our bodies,not big enough or small enough. Mine is the first one,not being big enough. Not because i think so,but because I’m constantly getting the impression i am not,from people i meet. Body insecurities are not only limited to these two but for today let’s talk about,being skinny, or what most say thin.
A part of me wants to believe i do not have body insecurities now but I’d be lying, because i meet people who will have something to say about the size of my thighs,or wrist is too small,or my feminine features are not as developed as they should be for people my age.
Back in primary school,i did not know what body insecurities were. I was what 12 13,years? Body insecurities was a big word for me to even think about. But that doesn’t mean they were not there,because i had classmates who would make jokes about how thin i was,the translation to kiswahili sounds worse,but we were kids,and they didn’t know any better. So as early as primary school i knew i was thin, and for some reason it felt wrong, undesirable. To me that was the reason i got picked on by other kids. I want to believe i made a prayer item about gaining some extra weight,but no,prayer not answered. The effect was reflected in my low self esteem. Maybe what pushed me to even be a people pleaser. I was the kid who did the most when it came to impressing people just to get liked because i didn’t feel like i was likable,i mean i was thin.
Fast forward to highschool. In my School, fitting uniforms, was a thing about luck. If you were lucky enough,you would get a uniform that fit you well. Let me paint a picture of what my luck looked like,
The shirt was too big,skirt was sooooo long,i remember it reaching my shoes😂,let’s not even talk about the waist. The long sleeved sweater, that one fitted quite well but the short sleeved one, i can count the number of times i wore it throughout my four year course in highschool. Now here, here was the absolute ghetto for me and my esteem issues got amplified in all the worst ways, yet again. You know how highschool,boarding all girls school can be. I’m talking about girls who think they are the real deal in the school and the rest of y’all just ain’t it. Then there was me,a skinny babes with insecurities about my body,coupled with low self esteem that made me think i wasn’t pretty enough and now my not fitting uniform. I remember being given a weekly duty that i hated,and the reason i was given for it was because i was the only skinny student,that in itself was another reminder,every week i was being reminded i was skinny. I remember crying about it,because people again,made fun of it. I laugh about it now,back then that was a luxury i could not afford.
The first term was the worst if I’m being honest, actually the first year because i only made adjustments to my uniform, the following year,after almost everyone had disobeyed the school rule against making alterations to the issued school uniform. Now i started feeling better about my self image with regards to my body size. i mean my uniform fitted me for once,and it felt nice wearing it.
In uni,i wouldn’t say i kept going back to my body size issues,because there people didn’t care,whether small or big. Or maybe it was just because i wasn’t around school at most times unless it was necessary. Maybe that reduced interaction with people saved me from going back to my body size is not good enough. But there were a few skinny shaming jokes from friends. I believe i had started embracing the fact that i was skinny and that wasn’t going to change even if i soaked myself in oil. Today after uni,i have people talk about my being skinny. But as an adult, i know better than to let that get to me. Now i understand that some people find joy in making other people feel miserable and that’s a them problem.
All nine ten is, sensitivity when referring to people’s physical attributes,is a habit we all should cultivate. You don’t know the struggle behind having to walk around having a certain body type or a given physical appearance. To anyone feeling like they are undesirable because of their body insecurities, there is more to you than just what we see. You can’t afford to lose sight of that. Keep working on loving yourself each day, speak with kindness to yourself,don’t allow yourself to amplify whatever insecurities you have about your body. You are sexy,you are the perfect size,you are beautiful.
Body shaming happens even to the petite sized. We often think it only happens to plus sized individuals.