Boundaries

What comes to mind when I think of boundaries ,is a fence!Before you start rushing to ask how they connect let me explain.Fences allow you to protect what’s valuable to you ,they allow you to control who and what enters your space that’s precisely what personal boundaries do.They may not be obvious as a fence ,mostly they are like invisible bubbles .
Boundaries are the limits we set with other people ,which indicate what we find acceptable and unacceptable in their behaviour .Boundaries may seem unimportant to some people but to others they are very important in their day to day lives .I know we have all experienced a scenario where somebody crossed our boundaries ,be it your parents ,friend ,spouse ,colleague or even a stranger .
Personal boundaries can be challenging to navigate ,however it’s very essential for us to set and communicate them for our own health , well-being and even safety;for instance I happen to purchase an expensive designer perfume ,then every time my girlfriend is having an occasion she comes down to my house and applies some without necessarily seeing the need to inform me.Ladies stop cussing me! At first it might not be a big deal but when it becomes a habit that will surely get to me .Why?To me it will seem like she is not respecting my space ,which might be so, however my friend might not be aware of it since to her it’s totally cool.what if i simply communicate what am feeling to her ,”I know we are friends but am not comfortable with you popping up to my house and using my things without my consent ,I would appreciate ,that next time you need to borrow or using anything belonging to me kindly give me a heads up ,I will truly appreciate it.”As simple as that .
The word boundary can be abit misleading .It conveys the idea of keeping yourself separate ,but actually it’s a connecting point since they provide healthy rules for navigating relationships ,intimate or professionals.What are bad ways at work ,without a colleague stepping on your toe or your boss…?Am not sure how random this is,but in very workplace there is always that one person who tends to irritate you for one reason or another which they might be unaware of or at times they are and they still continue doing it,the nerve!My friend happened to be one of the victims of that and before she learnt how to lay the rules for navigating that professional relationship she had dealt with a handful of “unnecessary experiences” as she loves to call it.So she happens to be those people who love to sync in with their morning before anybody interferes with it but apparently a colleague of her made it impossible by always coming up to her early in the morning and dispatching news that weren’t of much interest to her.At first she tried to follow up so as not to seeem rude but the moment she realized that it wasn’t serving her any purpose she tried to dismiss the colleague by setting clear boundaries on what she was comfortable discussing and what she want comfortable with .This not only protected her professional relationship from becoming unsafe but it also brought them closer together than farther apart by her clearly stating that it made her uncomfortable and they could discuss things that were of interest to both of them .
Boundaries allow you to make yourself a priority ,whether that’s in self care ,career aspirations or within relationships .Often people in relationships tend to feel uncomfortable when they partner engages more with people of the opposite gender ,as opposed to spending time with them .They tend to find it difficult to communicate what they are feeling,which is actually natural,but what is not okay is the way we tend to think that it will pass with time which at times is almost impossible ,cause let’s say it’s in a work setting and your husband or wife colleagues are of the opposite gender and vice versa ,there is nothing much you can do about it.What you can do is communicating to your partner what specifically makes you uncomfortable with them working with the colleagues of the opposite gender and you will both figure it out how to go about it without anybody’s feelings getting hurt .
Lastly ,don’t draw your boundaries in permanent ink .It’s good to think about them occasionally and reassess .When boundaries are too rigid or inflexible ,problems can occur .
Evolve.🖤

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